Under the title "My life with Mr. Long" Altea publishes a series of entries from Annette Scholer's Long COVID diary. Annette Scholer metaphorically describes her disease as "Mr. Long", with whom she now has to live.
"Mr. Long has had quite a hold on me for almost three months now and has been with me every step of the way. He sticks to me like glue and watches me like a hawk. I can’t take a single step without him. Mr. Long is, at the moment, indestructible and stronger than I thought. The more I try to run away from him, the more he’s glued to me. He's mercilessly knocked me out of the fast lane and onto the right-hand side of the highway – I’m going at a snail’s pace. Regardless of what I want."
"Refusing, resisting, or rebelling is mercilessly punished with immobility. It’s like I’ve been punched in the face. If I’m lucky, I'll still have time to curl up on the sofa or go to bed. If Mr. Long is present, I have to find a place to sit down as soon as possible (but that's not going so well at the moment), and I also have to force myself to calm down and breathe in and out deeply. It takes 15 to 20 minutes for my arms and legs to stop prickling. It's only then that I can even consider getting back up slowly."
"I suddenly notice how stressed out people are around me now."
"When I have to walk very slowly and deliberately (Mr. Long wants me to), I notice how stressed out people are around me. To my chagrin, even seniors seem to be faster than I am. Most of the people I meet look stressed, have their cell phones in their hands, and stubbornly look ahead – almost as if they are afraid of being spoken to. They have no time and no peace. They eat, talk, and walk – all at the same time.
Listening to others can also be very exhausting. I notice how quickly people speak without taking a break. Taking a breath? No way. Maybe they have gills?! They probably don't have the time to speak any slower because they're already thinking about shopping, going home, doing this and that...
"Mr. Long is very, very strict with me."
"I don't trust myself with this kind of daily stress from "normal" people anymore. Mr. Long is very, very strict with me and would knock me out all day if I did that. I’ve given up on making plans. Any wishes as to what I would still like to do, see, or experience have been pushed into the distant future. I only live in the here and now. What happened yesterday is of no interest to "Miss Memory". Same with what happens tomorrow. She just doesn’t want to make any more effort.
Yep, my daily life has been radically reversed. Miss Memory only cooperates when she wants to and when I give her enough time to emerge from sleep mode in order to function. Otherwise, she simply refuses to get up."
"My partner notices the signs of exhaustion much sooner than I do."
"Mr. Long makes me go along with all his whims. My boyfriend is more tolerant. Sometimes he lets it go – but he looks at me with a stern expression... I can only imagine what he’s thinking. That’s when I realize myself that I’ve taken on too much.
My boyfriend can tell when my body starts to struggle. Then he tells me: "In five to ten minutes, you won’t be able to do anything." I don’t notice the signs of exhaustion until much later. Fortunately, my boyfriend goes along with everything patiently, adapting to my pace. Not easy for a hyperactive person who's always on their toes.”
"Letting go is better than saying: I want to this, I need to do that, I should do this..."
"How much longer is this going to take? I stopped thinking about it and started accepting it. I’m learning to live for the day and taking things as they come. Which is difficult for someone who’s always had everything under control.
I set myself one goal or one deadline for the day, especially to get some exercise. If I can get other tasks done after that, so much the better. Surrendering, letting go, trusting myself, and coming to terms with things brings me more energy than saying: 'I want to do this, I have to do that, I should still do this...' Just set small daily goals and everything will work out fine. I'm usually happy when I get little things done."
» to Part 2
