Under the title “My life with Mr. Long”, Altea publishes a series of entries from Annette Scholer's Long COVID diary. Annette Scholer metaphorically describes her disease as “Mr. Long”, with whom she now has to live. Already released: Part 1, Part 2, Part 3, Part 4
“Recently I was at a concert. For the first fifteen minutes my frontal lobe didn’t know what to do: how it should process the noise, the different sensations, the crowd. The endless sensations made my body feel the need to cry, but it couldn’t.
That happens when my mind is overwhelmed or exhausted. I was able to enjoy the concert from a safe distance for about an hour until physical exhaustion set in. My face turned back into a pinball machine. So we went to the exit and looked for a quiet place. I won't let myself be defeated, and I’ll keep on trying!”
“I’d like to have my mind clouded by something other than ‘brain fog’ for a change.”
“Now and then there are situations where I would rather smoke a joint just to forget everything for a moment – especially when I’m in pain. I'd sit singing on my little smoke cloud. My brain for once clouded by something other than ‘brain fog’. Everything would be light and colorful, and painless. That would be the life!
Or sometimes I just want to get completely wasted and experience the lightness of being. I think Mr. Long would be up for that. But the fear of the hangover the next morning keeps me reasonable. After all, my brain is in enough of a fog and we know it’s not from drinking.”
“As a single mother I've struggled and kept everything under control for years. Now I'm learning the hard way to accept help and relinquish control. If I don't do it, Mr. Long will force me to. Ever since Mr. Long came into my life, everyday things like grocery shopping have become a challenge.
Mr. Long doesn’t like crowds much. It’s just stress for him. So I have to think carefully about going to the grocery store for the weekly shop.
But then when we get together, all of a sudden everything starts to move at a snail’s pace. We start an obstacle course. Pacing ourselves, we make a start. It’s not long before there are people in my way. Oh great: exactly where I wanted to go. Duck head, apologize, dive on the product, bag it and onwards as fast as possible.”
“I only buy what’s on my list, if I even manage that.”
“The chattering people and all the different noises are hard for me. I have to recognize when my body suddenly starts getting weaker and needs a break. Not even half of the shopping list is in the basket. Time to appease Mr. Long again and make a deal. I agree to leave the store as fast as possible. That means I don’t have time to buy anything else that jumps out at me. I rush through the shopping list and head to the counter. Once again, Mr. Long has helped me avoid buying too much.
Before reaching the counter, I size up which queue will take the least time. Now just a quick chat with the nice cashier without pausing to draw breath and then, already flagging in the store, just barely pack away the shopping and off to the car. Then I put the shopping into the trunk, get behind the wheel and breathe deeply. Finally, peace, I come down a little and wait until I have enough strength to drive out. Made it!”
